Starting the Next Chapter
Some people say that raising a child and being a father is an adventure. What everyone seems to fail to mention is that that adventure starts immediately and without warning. The common thinking is that babies can’t be that hard. They cry when they need something, eat, sleep, and poo. I believed that for a time before having children of my own. I had delusions of writing while my baby slept soundly in her bassinet at her naptime after eating. The truth is much more complex.
I haven’t written in a long time as is evident. I’ve been on experiencing the chapter of new fatherhood and gaining some knowledge, though admittedly little. I certainly haven’t gained much wisdom. In fact, the opposite has happened and I have realized how truly little I know about kids. For some children, this early stage of life is quiet and relaxed. A close friend has a baby that falls asleep on his own, and relaxes every time he takes his bottle. Other babies are a bit more rambunctious and like to play.
What this blog hopes to accomplish
Looking back on when I began this blog, I had a different view of the world. And boy was I wrong. This blog was originally intended to be focused on how to manage money as a young person, how to be a good father, and how to lead people. I realized this year that I don’t understand as well as I thought I did how to do any of those things. As a result, this blog will change to more accurately reflect reality. It will become a reflection of my journey and as a result, I’ve actually gone back and edited a large number of my previous posts to more closely match my change in understanding. If you want some blogs from super experienced fathers with specific baby recommendations and courses, check out Fathercraft. This blog is more closely aligned to a journey more than anything.
This is not a Catholic blog, but it is written by a Catholic Father (Not that kind)
This blog won’t be directed towards Catholics exclusively. Of course, anyone can utilize the experiences that I write in their own lives and greatly benefit. Make no mistake, this is a blog written by a Catholic father. Previously, I thought this would be a detriment. I was trying to please the world and make a product that I thought would fit and I wasn’t being myself and was focused on cash and making money to leave my job and support my family with this blog. I somehow thought that I wouldn’t be a good father if I didn’t make a ton of money from this venture. As a result, it wasn’t really me. So unapologetically, I am not going to go in that direction. I am going to just write whatever I want and if it helps you, great. If this blog doesn’t make a penny, that is totally fine.
Finding my stride
I don’t know how often I’ll post. I’ll try to post once per week, but those who have kids know how hard it is to juggle a multitude of balls. I am a father, but I’m also a professional. I have a full time job and am going to school for my MBA. I’m also trying to learn French (keyword: trying). If this blog someday allows me to leave my job, then great, but that isn’t the focus and I’ll write as often as I can. I’m also planning on starting a newsletter that will include some stories on a daily or semi-weekly basis. Hopefully between that newsletter and this blog, you will learn something alongside me.
Always learning
The main secret of being a father that I have found so far is that we don’t know anything. Before having children, I thought it was so easy. I thought it was just changing diapers and putting kids to bed. My daughter was mildly colicky and my expectations were blown out the window. Within the first week, my wife and I were a wreck. Our daughter would not sleep anywhere but in our arms. As a result, that first week, we got a total average of an hour of sleep per night. There were two nights that we didn’t sleep at all and I passed out from exhaustion on the kitchen floor which was super embarrassing. After two weeks, we began sleeping in shifts. I watched a ton of Netflix that first month, and had to keep myself from falling asleep holding her.
The game changer
After sleeping in shifts for a month and watching a ton of Netflix (some of my viewings included Witcher, Dances With Wolves, and crappy sci-fi shows of which I can’t remember the names), we realized that we could get her to sleep in the baby carrier. This was a game changer. After singing Christmas songs and walking in circles for an hour, she’d finally fall asleep and that beautiful little face would look up at me with her mouth agape, so peacefully out. I’d then slowly make my way upstairs and play video games until 4am with my friends who are apparent insomniacs. I beat both Tony Hawk games, Tomb Raider, and played so much Halo my hands bled. I also was introduced to Humankind when I absolutely needed her to sleep since it was quieter on the keyboard.
Going back to work
When I got back to work, we stuck to shifts, but the times were crazy. I’d take the baby from 8pm-2am while my wife slept and I would go from 2am-8am. It worked really well and I actually remember a lot of that time fondly. Sometimes I’d let my wife sleep, but it was from a mixture of love and wanting to beat the next skate park in Tony Hawk. Overall, that lasted for three months when our doctor gave us the go-ahead to begin sleep training.
Sleep Training
Sleep training is a hotly contested topic. I think leaving the child in the crib alone for a long time is rough and should be avoided if possible. That being said, we all needed to sleep since she wasn’t sleeping great even with shifts and we certainly weren’t either. After chatting with our doctor, the Ferber Method was recommended. They actually had recommended it a lot earlier, but we wanted to wait a bit longer before giving it a try. At around the three month mark, I put her in the crib. Incrementally, I would go in and tell her I loved her, usually every 5,10,15,20 minutes with each subsequent visit getting longer. By the 20 minute mark, I would go in every 20 minutes.
Sleep Training Results
The first night was horrible and she didn’t sleep for an hour and six minutes. The second night was better at 53 minutes. The third night was 20 minutes, and 5 minutes by the end of the first week. Now, she is generally a great sleeper. She has no problems getting to sleep, though she still wakes here and there if she’s teething or if she didn’t get enough to eat before bed.
Moving Forward
Sleep has been the most challenging frontier so far. I honestly don’t know what it’s like to have a great sleeper, but I wouldn’t trade a great sleeper for my girl for anything. She’s so vibrant, full of joy and laughter, and I love her so much. Hopefully this blog helps you to be a better father. I’ll see you in the diaper pail.